Audacity of Hospital Staff

The other week, I was accused by the Staff at the Methadone Clinic that I was “Diverting” my Methadone dose because I was slowly sipping from the cup which made it look like I was holding it in my mouth…now why would I be sipping it slowly?

I have 6 teeth in my mouth which have deteriorated quite badly from my Heroin use, I have 2 exposed nerves, and I had to take a pair of pliers to my mouth and rip out one of my teeth; that is why I was slowly sipping it and keeping it in my mouth for a little bit, to numb the pain in my teeth.

Now today when I get my take-away (it’s a bottle of methadone you get when you’re on the program for a while so you don’t have to go in every day), they said I couldn’t get them because I was “Diverting” my dose, the only way I can get them back is to explain and talk to my doctor (my appointment is in over a month from now) and case manager…the thing is, the staff at the fucking clinic refuse to set me a earlier appointment or to contact my Doctor or case Manager.

I need the take-away on Wednesday because I look after my Mum on Wednesday and Thursday.

To make it even worse, the bitch of a nurse who said I was diverting it called me a “Methadone Injecting Junkie”, I would NEVER fucking inject methadone, it’s a Syrup, I could lose a leg or an arm if I attempted to inject the junk, so I make a complaint about that and explained about my dental problems and showed him how bad my rear and bottom teeth are, but nothing matters at all, I’m just another fucking junkie in their eyes.

So now I’m thinking I’m just going to stop with the program and try to go cold-turkey instead. I might go back to using Heroin or I might not, it all depends, but I doubt I will, I’ve been clean for near 6months, and 3 months without methadone (before I started on the Program), so I’m doing good.

But after getting insulted in the worse way possible calling me a “Methadone Injecting Junkie”, that just set me into rage and depression.

Fuck them all.

Love you all.

Isaac.

A little Good News

Well at least one thing in the last couple of months has been a good one; the Insurance Company acting on Behalf of the car I damaged (Small crumple in the bumper bar), and after giving them a full medical certificate and my pay details, they’ve decided to drop the $5730 that I had to pay in 1 week.

The only money I have is shares in several companies, a little money hidden away for emergency use, but overall I pretty much am broke (not poor )

As for my Drug Use, I haven’t used for almost (or over) 6 months now, and haven’t had any temptation to get some Heroin (I would love to have a shot, but not urging for it)

Family life is the same, I looks after my Mom each week, my eyesight hasn’t changed which is a good thing (I have a disorder where my Optic Nerve is deteriorating), and all in all, I’m going great.

Time for me to relax back and smoke a joint (The only drug other then Cigarettes I use).

Hope everyone is doing good, I know this is a piss poor post, but it tells you that I’m still alive LOL

I like to update my blog, but when I get to the Post Page section, my mind just goes blank and I can’t remember anything that I wanted to post, stupid Swiss Cheese memory. <_<

Have fun! C’est La Vie.

Isaac.

(PS, My Methadone Treatment Program is doing good)

Just an Update

Sorry for the lack of updates these last month or so, I’ve been either too ill or too tired or too lazy to update my blog.

So what’s been happening lately? Well I’m completely broke, I have fines (from the car accident) up to the hilt, I’m being sued for $5000AUD from the person’ car I hit, even though the only damage was a slightly banged up rear bumper.

And I’ve also got some good news, I’ve been accepted into the methadone program (instead of buying Street Gear) about a month and a bit ago and I’ve been doing really good, haven’t touched Heroin for almost 5months, so that’s something to be happy about.

But all in all, I’ve been having panic attacks, anixety attacks from all the letters and fines and threats from insurance companies wanting their money, and I’m trying to work out a part payment plan each fortnight to pay them off.

I have more to say, but just wanted to put a quick update up to tell you what’s been going on.

Hope ya’ll doing good.

Isaac.

How To: Inject Pill Form Sedatives

Equipment Needed:

2 x 20ml Hypodermics (Needle Barrels)

2 x Butter Fly Needles

1 x Small Medicine Glass

Several Cigarette Filters.

First off, clean off a section of your floor or table surface and collect the equipment that you need, second get your pills.

This guide is meant for Pills such as Valium, Xanax and similar Sedatives.

If you have 5MG Valium Tablets, start off with using 5 Pills first; break each pill into quaters and put it into one of your 20ml barrels (take the plunger out to put the pills in).

Once done, go fill the barrel with cold or warmish water to 20ml and leave a little gap of air in it for the next step; shake the barrel for about 5 minutes or until the pills dissolve, then let it sit for another 5 minutes.

Once the excess powder has collected on the bottom of the barrel, attach a Butter Fly to the 20ml barrel and wet one of your cigarette filters and stab the butter fly needle in the middle of the filter until it comes out the other end, then withdraw the needle half way through the filter (needed to filter any powder).

Once done, get your little medicine glass and the prepared mix and start squeezing the pluger slowly until you see drops of liquid coming through the filter, stop when you see the bottom powder about to hit the butterfly.

Once done, it’s pretty much ready to inject, but if you want to get more out of the mix, refill the barrel with the excess power in it and put 10ml of water in it, and repeat the shaking and etc stage.

Next part if the easy part, just grab your second barrel and suck up the liquid in the medicine glass, attach a butter fly, pump out any bubbles or air in the syringe and yeah, find a vein and enjoy.

If you need any help, leave a comment and I’ll give some advice (Leave email in form so I can send the info).

I personally only do this very rarely, once a month or so, if even that.

Oh and on another note, I’ve been clean from Heroin for over 2months.

See you all.

Isaac.

Car Accident.

Just a heads up to let you all know what’s going on…

I had a pretty bad car accident on  Wednesday, and to make it worse I had a suspended license already, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to be sued bu the people in the other car.

It wasn’t completely my fault, these 2 people in a ute were waving their arms at the side of the road, and the people in front hit the brakes, then I hit the brakes hard, but I impacted at around 40-60KM/h.

The car isn’t mine…and I don’t know where to get the money from to replace it, the other car I impacted didn’t receive much damage, just a small prang in the read bumper, but mine is a total write off because I hit the said ute also when the car flung back into it.

Cracked rib and a cracked vertebrae.

All I can say is that I’m in alot of trouble.

Isaac.

How To: Codeine on the Cheap

Stuff Needed:

20-30CC Syringe (20-30ml)

Mortar and Pastle, or something similar to crush pills.

Small Glass

Water.

Filter (Toilet Paper or Cotton Bud, 1/8inch thick)

Crush 5-7 Pills (This is Australia, so Nurofen Plus or Panafen Plus) which contain 200MG of Ibuprofen and 12.8MG of Codeine, do NOT try this with paracetomal containing pills, BAD, LIVER FAILURE).

Add crushed powder to glass and add 5-10CC (5-10ML) of water, stir around for a little bit (1min).

Now soak your filter material and push it down to the bottom of the 20-30CC Syringe that you have, use the plunger to push it down, squeeze out most of the water.

Now you add the solution from the glass to the syringe, put the plunger back on, and start squeezing and drop by drop in a clean glass, you’ll have near pure codeine which you can IV or IM or Drink if you like.

Note: Squeezing will take some out of your hands, so put the syringe down for acouple of minutes, have a smoke, then go back to it and start again, you’ll know when you’re finished when it starts to filter out foam.

Leave a Comment if you need any help, and also add your email address in the comment form so I can get back to you.

Isaac.

PS: I’m a week clean from drugs.

Tie the Strings

I stand by what I wrote yesterday, but I should add the main reason I went psychotic:

The last weekend I was staying a night with my Mom, during the night around Midnight sometime I awoke with extreme pain in my left eye, so painful I wish I had a busted Femur, so I took my contacts out and after 4 hours managed to open my eyes to see.

Wait 2 days because of a public Holiday, I had an appointment with my Optometrist to see what was going on…and that is when the trouble started in the morning;

My partner is slow at times and it took him over 15 minutes to shower and brush his teeth which left me late for my Opto Appointment, that’s when it began.

After my appointment, I just wanted to go home, but he ended up dragging me to a shopping square and I was left waiting on a bench for an hour (my choice, I didn’t feel like walking around, not Mark’s fault, but my own) fuming and hanging out…so after getting home he kept talking and talking to me when I just wanted to be left alone for an hour, so when he went to my door and said “What the hells going on!?”, I just went nuts.

So that’s basically what started the anger off in me, but also the drugs were apart of it I guess.

Today I’m doing fine and feeling fine, I’ve patched some of the issues up with my partner, and he’s starting to learn that i need my own time to let me rest my mind and just cruise the net for a while or just read a book…I lived in isolation for most of my life, and being talked to constantly all the time and being in contact all the time…I just can’t take it.

Isaac.

The Demon Boils with Psychosis

The self control I once had is now lost in a mist of Drugs and Anti-Psychotics that I take to control the once joyful life I had, now the life I have is that of an old man of 80 with a drinking problem trying to figure out why his wife left him….

I lasted 14 days Heroin free until I thought it was a good idea to just “have a shot” to see if I could deal with it, but damn was that a fucking massive mistake, my usgae isn’t as bad as it was, but I’m still using and today i ran out and my dealer and my partners dealer phone isn’t on and I’m hanging off the wall.

Yesterday I had a psychotic moment and grabbed my partner by the throat and almost snapped it, I’m just glad that I’m not any stronger in my upper body, otherwise…the picture wouldn’t be so perfect and I wouldn’t be typing this shit up.

I don’t know why I snapped, I didn’t have a large amount of drugs in my body, infact I barely had anything and wasn’t hanging off the wall, but the self-control I once had just didn’t kick in at that moment I grabbed his throat…he ios the most gentle and apologetic person I have ever known and wouldn’t dare lay a hand on me or anyone else even while being bashed, he will just take it, and the moment he said I could bash him every day and he would still love me…I knew I was a fuck up, plain and simple I’m a fuck up.

I was once a Federal Officer (In training to become a Narcotics Officer while training for this position) for ASIO tracking down and finding pedophiles with a great career and money to boot, now I’m just a stay at home person who needs heroin and anti-psychotics to keep normal and a neural disease that is killing the nerve coverings of my body with heavy metal poisoning…how fucked up can I seriously get!?

I’ll let you decide on my mumbling post.

Resting The Demon Inside

What is the Demon I speak of in the Title? That would be a 2month long addiction to Heroin, a very dirty drug that I managed to become an addict to.

Why am I writing this up and telling the public? Because I have no shame in what I’ve done, and this is the first day of me being clean and not having any of the drug that controlled my life for near to over 2 months.

I always said to myself I would never touch a needle or do an IV drug, but for love I did it…my partner was an addict and I wanted to feel the same pain and high that he had, and I felt it and I hated it but I needed more eventually to control the demon inside of me.

For the hatred I had for the drug I couldn’t stop myself, even with every shot I would feel dirty for touching that needle, but for now I’m clean from it, I have nothing to hide, and I will leave you all with pictures of use I had.

The photos are of my last shot from lastnight, and the ever growing box of needles I had stored up to photo in the end of what I had done and used.

My Last Shot

Needle Collection

Preparation

Track Marks

I have no shame in telling the world of what I’ve done, and I hope others will speak openly about the addictions that they’ve had in their life.

Isaac.

Here I Am

No Introduction this time, just a plain old post:

Since the last post some things in my life have changed; I’ve got a new Partner, I’ve Moved, and some Mental Health Issues have arisen.

I met my Partner, Mark, while I was in the Mental Health Clinic last year (If you read back a few posts you’ll see partly why), he was not a patient but a visitor for a neighbouh who had a little “nut” episode at home.

After being discharged from the clinic (we did exchange numbers while I was in the Clinic), I put the whole thing aside for nearly 9months until I decided to send an SMS to see if he’d like to a see a movie or have lunch or something like that…and after that we were basically together, I moved in with Mark about a month after we watched the new “007 James Bond” Movie at the Cinemas.

He loved me basically since the start from seeing me…but I didn’t want anything to do with anyone (Women or Men) after the Clinic, but I saw the same love he had for me when I started contact again.

And to add; I guess this is one of the first admissions for me to say that yes, I am Gay, but I also have a “Straight” (lack of words) to me aswell, and for later on in life, I hope my Kids (later in age if they want to “know me”) don’t push me aside for that reason (and for all hope in the world, they don’t carry or inherit the Genetic trait of Gay/Bi from me).

As for the Mental health Issues, I have’nt been doing as good as I wish to admit; some to do with the Heavy Metal, but some are for other reasons which I may explain later on.

I’ll leave you all with a photo I took of myself this morning (9/4/2009), and to that, love you all….

Isaac.

April, Myself